I LOVE Grey’s Anatomy. It’s pretty much the one show that even though at times it absolutely sucks…I stick with it. I stick with it because of episodes like the bomb episode in season 2. The Denny episode in Season 2. The shooting episode at the end of season 6. The prisoner episodes in season 5. The wedding episode in season 4. And for last night’s episode in season 8. And if you didn’t catch last night’s episode…go watch it. It’s the type of episode that makes you contemplate your life. Contemplate the small things that we complain about when major life changing hardships are happening all over the world. Right this very minute someone in the world was in a major car crash where one or more people will not walk out alive. Right now…people are dying on operating tables. Right now children are dying of preventable diseases around the world. Right now people are dying of AID and HIV and Cancer. With 7,000,000,000 people in the world right now…someone is always suffering…and we need to stop complaining and be aware of those things. Realize that just because the suffering isn’t happening to us doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.
I’m currently reading the History of Suicide by Jill Bialosky. It is Jill’s way of struggling through her sister’s suicide…trying to make sense of it and come out on the other side…and she says, “I wondered if a baby inside me could die from the fear and pain the world held out. My obstetrician assured us that the womb was protection, like insulation in a house, but I did not believe him because I knew then it was possible to die from grief.” The world is a messed up place…and we aren’t doing anything! Five years ago, I went on a missions trip to Rosebud, South Dakota…and in the moments when I returned I remember being physically bothered by the fact that I work a job where I sit at a desk for 8 hours every day and don’t help people. I, like many, have fallen into the statutes of our society about what it means to be normal and what it means to get by. Well…I’m sick of it. I want to help people. I want to recognize that the suffering that is happening all over the world is so much worse then mine and I want to reach out to those people!
Please Lord, give me the strength, wisdom, and guidence to reach out to the people that need help. Allow the Holy Spirit to do a great work in me so that I may be able to do your will. I love you and I want to see people the way you see them. Please show me how Lord. I can’t do anything without you! Bless Your Names, Amen.
I have realized that I’m really self conscious about my weight right now. I weigh the most I ever have and I’m fairly positive that it is due to my medication change…but it still makes me really self conscious. I wear shirts and change them in the middle of the day because I don’t feel like I look acceptable. Sigh…my boyfriend is wonderful…tells me that I’m absolutely perfect and beautiful…but I feel differently about myself. I’m not a fan. Granted I don’t think that there is anything wrong with weighing more then I do…sigh…I just hate that feeling of having to buy clothes that are 2 sizes bigger because all of mine don’t fit. Sigh…I know that God made me and that he did it exactly the way he wanted it to be…I know this…but I’m just not happy with myself right now. I’m a pretty girl and could look a lot prettier!
So…I’m watching Tree of Life…I have wanted to watch it for a while now…and so far I don’t know what to think of it. It’s majorly different…depressing…and…weird. I am pretty sure for the last ten minutes there has been an opera song playing and the screen showed weird pictures of the earth like…fire rolling…moon…stars…weird things…I don’t get the artistry in this one so far…I’ll write later with an update on the finished product.
So…I’ve been considering a new job for years. I have worked for my father for over 6 years now and I finally think I’m ready. Kinda surprising…kinda terrifying…but…I don’t make enough and honestly I’m not challenged at this job at all! I am a smart person…I want to use it. Plus…I want to help people…in some way…so…pray for me those that actually take the time to read this…and I’m steppin out in faith.
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